Dreams
by starfiretj
Summary: He forgets when it started but he doesn't ever forget what he dreams about. Kazuma's nightmares and his fear


Disclaimer: I do not own Kaze no Stigma(how I wish I did..sigh)

Thank you for all the wonderful encouraging words especially from How're you doing and my first community addition by kazenostigmafan4ever.

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**Dreams**

He forgets when it started but he doesn't ever forget what he dreams about.

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He rarely dreamed(a blessing in itself) but when he did nightmares were more common. Even the normal dreams of his life with Tsui-ling and his life _before_ was a knife in his gut. He had too much guilt, anger and frustration to not dream of the one he lost, the one he could have saved. He didn't always dream of Tsui-Ling's death but he did always dream of her hate and his..for him.

The thoughts of Ayano slipped into his dreams stealthily and slowly, from a background character to now the focus of now of his fears. He had lost too much to not fear. Now these dreams had been occurring far more frequently than he cared to admit. They were different in the way he lost her but almost always ended the same way. The grotesque way her elbow slipped back and the unnatural way her knees were bent. His screams on finding her cold-no no no she wasn't ever to be cold. It was a stinging suffocating fear that then consumed him and made him an animal.

But the dreams didn't stop, no matter how much he knew how strong she was and how strong _he _was- in his dreams it didn't matter. Ayano was _always_ taken from him and it always woke him up in a frenzy.

The first few times he scrambled out of his apartment to check up on her; but as time passed it was second nature, in his sleeplessness he always ended up outside her window even before he realized that is where he was headed. He watched her sleep like the pervert she claimed he was. Though watching her peaceful, still and silent was a marvelous thing it was too close to his dreams for him to fully appreciate the beauty in her tranquility. So he would concentrate his spirits on observing her breath, every breath she took calming him down until he was able to admire the quiet beauty of her in her sleep before he would leave always feeling like his heart is filled more than he can bear and that it might burst.

When he sees her the next day so full of energy..so alive...so unlike his dreams his heart squeezes in relief and pleasure. He knows he wants to, he wants to cling to her and draw strength from her but instead clenches his jaw and hopes the feeling will subside for right now. He is able to suppress it but he knows the want-The want to feel and assure himself of her energy, her warmth with her skin on his will never go away.

Then he gets a call from Juugo and something about another clan, fight and hospital.

_(You bastard you swore you ll protect her)_. The pain in his chest blossoms like an actual wound and his breath catches

He is transported back to the memory of his dream and he swears to himself. (_No no no I will protect her with everything.)_

When he gets there she is awake

Scooping her up he is frustrated to find his body and mind jittery, and he keeps scooping her closer to him as if she would float away somewhere out of his reach if he did let her go. It occurs to him that he is clinging to her for comfort instead of the other way around.

Ren is explaining what happened and he just takes the sight of her in, and checks her over. She is covered is bandages but her injuries aren't life threatening but the feeling of guilt that he could have prevented even this slams into him even as he knows she will skin him alive for such thoughts.

And he shudders and wonders when did everything get so out of his control.

He kisses her nose and starts "I thought.." and he doesn't want to even continue the thought in his head.

She sits up clumsily (most likely to berate him and call him a pervert) and he drags her into his lap gently to bury his nose in her neck. It takes all his strength and her weak muttering of Kazuma to stop himself from crying.

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AN: please review and let me know what you think.

sorry about the shortness, it was meant to be just a slice of kazuma's feelings!


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